Saturday, October 25, 2008

Falling Down Cont'd

3. My public speaking class at BYU had let out 10 minutes early, and as I was leaving the building I saw my cousin Jason at the bottom of the stairs. I called his name and walked down to the second-to-last step to meet him and talk. We spoke of life and love and religion all in the span of 10 minutes (ok, maybe the conversation wasn't that deep, but whatever, I was glad to have run into him.) As classes let out, the building was swarmed with hundreds of BYU Co-eds. Jason and I made plans to meet up and hang out another day and then I started to say goodbye. Simultaneously, I stepped down the last two steps and then started to walk towards the doors to leave. However, I had miscalculated and was actually on the FOURTH-to-last step while I was talking to Jason, so when I thought I was on the ground, I actually still had 2 steps to go. I fell down those steps. Really hard. So hard, that I couldn't move for a minute because I couldn't really breathe. I groaned after a few seconds and several cute boys bent down to ask if I was ok and help me to my feet. Jason, being the nice cousin he is, couldn't offer to help me because he was laughing too hard to talk. I glanced around and saw maybe 300 people staring at me with expressions ranging from pity to amusement. I raced out of the building red-faced and with a slight limp. After a self-exam, I found no bruises except to my poor little ego. I've since tried really hard to look in front of me and nowhere else until I reach the bottoms of staircases in tact. So, if you ever see me and want to talk, but I'm walking up or down stairs, could you do me a solid and just wait until I have even ground beneath me? My ego thanks you.

4. My best friend (Mel) is married to a boy (Nick) whose family lives nearby. He has two sisters who are young single adults. They befriended a group of boys I called the "Pest Boys" this last summer. There were 4 of them ranging in age from 18 to 23 and they lived here to sell Pest Control to the not-so-receptive residents of Vancouver and Portland. I met them at a church activity and found them to be friendly, engaging, and just overall cute boys.

Nick's parent's decided to throw a barbeque in July and invited all their children + spouses + boyfriends + regular friends + me and the Pest Boys. There were about 20 people in attendance altogether. We were gathered in the backyard enjoying the sun, games, good food and good company. I had a pleasant time talking to everyone, and especially getting to know those cute (although too young for me) boys better.

Mel and I finished our food and stood to take our plates inside. My plate was overflowing with barbeque waste...the sauce-covered chicken bones, uneaten baked beans, etc. As I followed Mel towards the back door, I glanced to my left and got distracted by Nick's cute baby neice who was sitting on someones lap.

We learned in my last post that I don't do well with "glancing and walking" at the same time, and this was no exception. Before I go on, I've drawn up a crude sketch of the scene so you can really have a good mental picture of this:

The x's roughly represent where everyone was located in the backyard, and the red x in the middle is me.

As I walked forward, I didn't see the small, concrete step in front of me thanks to my distraction. Then suddenly my mind went all slow-motion-y on me. I slammed to my knees and desperately tried to hang on to my dirty plate, but concentrating on that instead of on catching myself turned out to be a mistake. My upper body then flew forward and I face-planted it. Luckily, my face was protected from the concrete by my plate of dirty food that I had hung on so tightly to.

I layed in stunned silence for a few seconds while time sped back up to normal, and then started to pick myself up. I studiously avoided eye contact with all the people there who were asking me if I was alright, instead focusing very hard on gathering all my scattered chicken bones. Mel, bless her little heart, was NOT offering help or acting concerned, but instead running inside to try and hide her loud and uncontrollable fit of laughter. I reassured everyone I was "fine, just fine", and hurried inside after Mel, wiping BBQ sauce and baked beans off of my face the whole way.

Once inside, I started laughing along with Mel about what an idiot I had just made of myself. As we verbally replayed my latest moment of grace and glory, Mel told me that she was so glad I had cried out or she would have completely missed it.

"What?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"

"You know, when you yelled. I had my back turned to you and wouldn't have looked back to see you fall on your face if you hadn't yelled."

I did not know what she was talking about and asked for clarification. Apparently as I was falling to my knees, I yelled out very loudly, "OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" This, combined with my prime spot smack-dab in the middle of the patio where EVERYONE in the backyard had an unobstructed view, ensured that not one person, including all 4 of the cute Pest Boys, missed out on my little accident.

Of course.

Of course it was the loud chubby girl who fell and not one of the cute, dainty girls in attendance. Of course she was right in the middle of the yard. Of course she was holding a plate full of messy food that got all over her shirt and face when she fell. Of course her best friend did nothing to help her and instead laughed long and loud at her predicament. And OF COURSE, the girl who fell couldn't do it quietly, but unconsciously yelled out "OH NO" so that her humiliation would be utterly complete.

My fall was so spectacular that Nick's dad still mentions it every single time I go to their house, and it's been 4 months.

When I was younger, I dreamt of being famous one day. I'm learning now that I may have to settle for infamy instead.

(I wanted to show you just how hard I fell, so I'm including a picture of how my knee looked about a week after the barbeque)

1 comment:

Robert Anthony Pierce II said...

Nicely told, as always. This story cracks me up every (both) time!